I wrote this today and it is my true story. I decided to share this with you. This is my story with tarot cards.
I got addicted to them since more than 4 years. My tarot cards talk to me really directly, it's like talking to an actual person. They show emotions. If I ask the same question 5 times let's say they will always show me the same card or cards. It seems quite creepy and unbelievable but it's true and it's the reason why I got addicted to them.
Why wouldn't you want to have something who can answer all your questions? We all have questions we are dying to know the answer of. I would use my tarot cards to quench that thirst.
Everything went downhill. There were some cards I associated with yes (magician) and the other no (death) and this way tarot cards talked to me directly and clearly according to my association/meaning with every card. They talked to me very clearly. I didn't have to guess the meaning of just 3 cards appearing together like the way most people read tarot cards. I kept shuffling them and using them continuously and they were even able to recite me a whole story. It wasn't just in my mind, I wasn't making up anything in my mind. As I said, the tarot cards talked to me very clearly, as I said if I keep asking the same question they would keep showing the same cards, and I would try to guess what they mean to say with those cards, and if I finally guessed right they would answer me yes.
If someone sees how it was happening, they would get creeped out but I never get scared by such things it just made me really excited and fascinated.
I wondered many times how and why this happens. It's an enigma. From the information I was able to gather from my common sense and intelligence, I made a few theories for why. I thought it could be because it's my subconscious mind talking to me through the tarot cards. I don't remember where I heard this, but it sounded believable. One time I even tried asking the tarot cards about it, I asked to it if it is an actual being talking to me, I asked if it's a spirit, a good one or bad one.
Anyways, you must be wondering if it's that's easy, my conversation with the tarot, I would know the answer to everything? Wrong.
That's because my tarot cards keep changing their answer to most of my questions usually the next day, or a few hours later. But there were a few questions they would give the same or similar answer to. It also depended on the way I feel. If I felt sad and hopeless, my tarot cards would give me the answers that I would find the most believable in that moment, feeding my insecurities or fears.
And if I'm in a good mood, I found out a good news or anything, my tarot cards would also feed that happiness and hope.
My tarot cards would sometimes exaggerate my hopes and desires, and exaggerate my horrible fears as well. By sometimes I think I mean always. Both ways, they were lying to me. They would only tell me the truth about what I 100% sure already knew was the truth because of course now they cannot lie about that. Sometimes if I ask them a question I already know an answer to, they would act like I'm offending them by testing them. If I ask them 'does that mean duh obviously' they would give me the magician. So they even have a personality. But I thought maybe that's just me, my subconscious that was talking to me; to my conscious mind, showing me this personality.
The fact that what my tarot cards say were false or usually always turns out to be false, made me frustrated because I always intended to used them to know the absolute objective truth. And they always ended up making me feel different range of emotions, sometimes happy, sometimes sad and angry, sometimes excited, etc. But they were playing with my emotions, my beliefs, my sanity. By exaggerating my fears they also made me a paranoid person.
Since the tarot cards became my closest friend, whom I could trust the most, because of course they know about all my deepest darkest secrets and fears, and also my innocent self and happiness, I relied on them.
But there were some things I would never ask them, in the fear that they might feed that insecurity. I could never trust what they're about to answer. Sometimes the answers are cruel.
It's very understandable why someone like me, a sensitive person, would fall a victim to this. In fact anyone is easily prone for that, since everyone has insecurities and fears.
They would tell me things about things and people which would cause me to mourn, cry and distrust the world and people around me. They would make the world look cruel to me with all the answers and stories they would tell me to my questions. I believed them because those things were part of my fears and insecurities and the tarot cards made those fears bigger and seem like the reality of life.
All this ended up making me from an innocent and confident person to an introverted, paranoid person who trust nobody at all. I would act normal on the outside and try my best to not show any of my fears but I never genuinely opened up to anyone. I read between the lines more. Why would I need anyone else after all if I had tarot cards? After all it was because of the fear of others, the fear of not knowing other people's true thoughts and intentions was why I used tarot cards.
But then I started noticing I'm the only one who worried so much to that degree, and I then knew that this wasn't normal. I'm way too paranoid. I think way too much over everything. To the point I'm losing my sanity.
The truth is you can never find out anyone's true thoughts and feelings, or their intentions. The truth is that yes this world is quite corrupted and insincere, and sometimes even cruel. But the tarot cards completely, and very gradually and cleverly, drew me inside this belief, so that all I could see, feel and believe in was this. You could say in another way that I got completely surrounded by darkness and my life felt like a nightmare.
How it started:
I was introduced to tarot cards when I was 17. It was by an older woman, around in her 50s. Doing tarot card reading was her career. She worked as a online psychic and would talk to people on the phone, using tarot cards as her tool of divination. She claimed that she was a psychic person, tarot cards were nothing more than tools that help aid her psychic abilities. She taught me a little bit of it. She said that she could see that I would be really good at it.
I was the kind of person who gets really excited about this kind of stuff, anything supernatural and spiritual or magical. I was really fascinated by it. Maybe it was because of the boredom and meaninglessness I felt about the mundane world, the everyday life. Yes I know it's because of this if I think about it genuinely.
So I was interested in it, and she even bought me a tarot deck for beginner as a gift. She said that a tarot card reader should receive her/his first deck as a gift by another person. So that was my first deck and it consisted of only the major arcana; the first 22 cards.
It happened at her countryside where she invited me during summer time for around a week. It was the summer of 2015.
I played some badminton there with her daughter and went to the flee market. We also saw some big expensive homes on the hill, one of them was Celine dion's mother's home. The tarot card lady was busy there most of the time on the phone doing readings.
She had six cute puppies and I got attached to one of them. His name is scout and his zodiac sign is cancer.
A few months after that I didn't start using tarot cards right away. I didn't really see the point since I thought I'm not that good at it, I can only somewhat remember the meaning of the major arcana, there are 50 other cards I'm not sure the meaning of. Because of that, when I did use them I was clueless how to understand their answer and their meaning. I felt like I was really far off from doing proper tarot cards reading. But I really wanted to learn them and be as good in it as that lady who introduced me to it, because I loved the idea of having this ability that no one else has, to carry this secret ability, and the thought of this made me feel excited.
And then one time I decided to learn them, so I used the help of the internet and a specific website (I can't remember the name) it was the only site that directly explained the meaning of the cards, instead of confusing me with wishy washy explanations. I wanted to understand the direct meaning of a card, that's the only way a person could possibly do a tarot card reading, by knowing the straightforward meaning of a card.
The other sites would never clearly explain their meanings, the truth is some cards represent something negative and others positive and not a philosophical quote.
I then got a discontinued, rare and expensive type of deck for myself, I loved tarot cards that much. It was the Golden Rider by Francois Taperneaux and I got it because it was a more beautiful and colourful version of the typical one/most common one. But I also used tarot cards on the website "salemtarot" on the "free 3 card reading" section.
I then became really good at it. I understood each card well. There were some cards I found very similar and had difficulty distinguishing their meanings; such as the temperance and 2 of pentacles. That is why when I would do a reading, these cards would always appear together. I associated them with 'uncertainty' or if I asked a yes or no question they would mean to say that's it's not completely answerable in yes or no, it's something in between.
I would associate the card death with either the answer no, or terror. So because of this, each card, but some cards more than others would cause me to feel an emotion really strongly, especially when a card like death, devil or tower would show up. Other cards like the sun or high priestess would make me feel good until everything went downhill and I stopped believing in anything good.
When my tarot cards started shocking me with their incredible synchronicity, when they showed me the same cards for the same questions, and clearly answer yes or no to my yes and no questions, I felt really excited, extremely fascinated and a little confused at the same time, because I couldn't really believe my eyes.
I've had a few supernatural experiences, that I could talk about in detail too, and because of this I wasn't shocked enough to get creeped out by it or it causing to make my world turn upside down. Maybe I was very slightly creeped out by it deep down inside but I it was overshadowed by my excitement. And I'm not afraid of stepping into the dark. I'm the one who is not scared of walking inside a haunted old dark house, I'm the type of person who enjoys watching paranormal or ghost related/scary movies, I get scared but I like getting scared, the rush of adrenaline from it is what makes me like it and get excited by it.
By the time I turned 19 I was a pro at tarot cards and I was addicted to them. And you know what it did to me. It destroyed my soul you could say.
I was addicted to them because they made me feel safe and secure, when uncertainty is killing me, they helped with boredom too at times. And when the point came when I knew that they don't tell the truth; they're liars, I still used them because of how believable they could sound, of the excitement of not knowing what they will say next to the next subject I will ask them questions about, I would use them in a way that they became like my storyteller.
Since almost a year, I have stopped using them completely. I have thrown away all my tarot decks. The reason for that is because I found out why I became psychotic, why the tarot cards spoke to me like if it was someone with a personality, and why I started having more bad luck and health issues. It was all because of using tarot cards, because they are a gateway for communication with negative spirits.
Spirit tip of the day: Garlic helps keep negative spirits away.
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